tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48249818347595433792024-03-20T09:35:44.856-06:00a hard timea girl's simple struggle in life between fleshly desires and the yearning to be with the LordLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-34294197522080890332012-02-08T14:49:00.002-07:002012-02-08T15:08:18.791-07:00Grace at the Judgement ThroneI met with one of my girls this morning. Through God's grace, our time together has always been refreshing, encouraging and challenging. I am often amazed when we meet as the sins and struggles I experienced over the course of the past week consistently coincide with the sins and struggles she has encountered within the past week. God is so faithful to teach both of us during our time together.<br /><br />Recently, we have begun going through "Whiter than Snow" by Paul Tripp together. It is a small devotional book with fifty two different readings concerning Psalm 51. We dealt with grace and mercy often last semester and I thought the book would be a good fit for our time together this semester. This has proved true. <br /><br />Paul Tripp, in the first chapter, talked about how we often treat grace. When in sin, we often go to the throne of judgement and attempt to defend ourselves, acting as our own defense lawyer. "But I was provoked." "But she was so mean to me; it was only the proper response." "Well if they didn't dress like that, I probably wouldn't have lusted." "But look at how good I am other than that." "Oh look at her sin! Oh my! My sin is not near as scarlet." What silliness! And yet, I justify my sin in such capacities daily. <br /><br />This morning, we tried to discover why people do this when the overwhelming downpour of grace is readily available. We decided it was rooted in pride, in which all sin originates, and then produces a lack of trust in our God and His promises. <br /><br />God has promised His grace. The costly price of grace has been paid. And yet, I forget constantly that when I go to the courtroom and attempt to defend myself, I have thrown that costly grace to the wayside. I have preferred my seeming righteousness to the abundant grace available. <br /><br />Not only does the Judge look upon me as white when clothed in grace but there is no fear in approaching the throne. Grace covers. I am covered by grace. I have no need to hide my sin. I have no need to attempt to defend it. I have no need to think I can justify it. The grace flows in an ever wide stream toward me because my sin runs deeply. <br /><br />I am rejoicing in the bounty of His grace today. Praise Him for it's depth and constancy. I am reminding myself that I have no need to attempt to hide my sin. Oh, praise Him!Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-59215025052565451672011-11-20T10:11:00.002-07:002011-11-20T10:26:29.447-07:00My NeedI sit on my bed relishing in the joy of arising early enough to take my time getting ready on this beautifully warm and bright Sunday morning. As I listen to Shane & Shane sing of God's great love, I am so aware of how needy I am for it this morning. <br /><br />This past week has been exhausting. Almost daily, I have found a new area of conflict in my life concerning the relationships with which I surround myself. This leaves me broken and wondering how it can be corrected. <br /><br />I praise God for the ability to go to church this morning. I need to be amidst believers this morning. I must be among the members of the Body. I have never been more aware of my need to be in Church than that which this morning presents. The need is deep and palpable and overwhelming. I look forward to church in half and hour and long to stand amidst worshiping believers--brothers and sisters--because I know from such a place comes refreshment.<br /><br />This beautiful realization is simply that: a realization. I have this need every Sunday morning...and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I am simply often able to mask the need by ignoring it or stuffing it full of something than dwindles quickly. Our God is so good to make me aware of my need. He is so good to cause me to ascertain the depth of my thirst. So often I am able to momentarily satisfy it but it is never lasting. Oh how good my God is that HE provides Living Water. It satisfies and fills forever and ever. He is a good God. He desires to satisfy and comfort. I will enjoy Him this morning.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-78583259224560440872011-09-07T20:37:00.002-06:002011-09-07T21:06:34.256-06:00Biscuits and GravyThere is a schedule hanging in the kitchen. It has a breakfast food on it for every day of the week. Tomorrow is biscuits and gravy. I'm making whole wheat biscuits at 6:15 tomorrow morning and could not be more delighted to have the opportunity to do so. <br /><br />Having two Navigator houses right next to one another has introduced very different dynamics concerning the availability of friendship. With seven people living within 300 feet of one another, there is always someone around. The extrovert within me is thriving. Such company is the only reason my body has survived on five to six hours of sleep every night for the past two and half weeks.<br /><br />We started making breakfast together because the stovetop at the house next door wasn't functional. We had scrambled eggs and Great Harvest cinnamon raisin whole wheat bread with apple jelly. The promise of fellowship and filling food caused me to drag my body out of bed every morning to get breakfast started. The fellowship was worth it. The caffeine helped, too. <br /><br />Last week, we went through just about every breakfast food available: banana bread, yogurt, granola and fruit, homemade cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs with cheese and vegetables. It was delightful; that was when it became official. A schedule for the rest of the semester was compiled this weekend. Not only was my need for fellowship fulfilled but my type A tendencies were more than satisfied. <br /><br />As I have been reading through I John recently, I have been pondering the importance of love within Christian relationships. I have been asking questions pertaining to the purpose of the Christian relationship and what makes the Christian relationship a real relationship. In the midst of such questions, my mind wanders in asking the purpose and established dynamics of the unbelieving relationship. Christ is at the center of the Christian relationship; in His goodness and sovereignty, He sustains it. I cannot imagine what weak string ties the unbelieving relationship together. Once again, I find a deep sorrow over their loss in not knowing our great God and His satisfying love and power. <br /><br />I praise God that I have friends within my own home and next door who will spend twenty minutes in the morning with me. That twenty minutes provides for much needed encouragement and fire building as I go out into this dark and quenching world. Nursing school is difficult. Being around unbelievers is draining and yet I would not ask that the Lord put me anywhere else. He has provided me with the strength that I need through His precious Word as well as through deep and sweet fellowship. <br /><br />The original Greek for fellowship, Koinonia, refers to a partnership, intimate participation together. We are able to partner in life together, specifically life purposed toward the sharing of the gospel and growing in such good news together. I have the opportunity to share life with others. Thank you Lord for the delight, joy, accountability, challenge, opportunity to serve, love, and sharing of struggle that has come as a result of twenty minutes of fellowship in the early morning. Thank you Lord for biscuits and gravy. Thank you that in satisfying a physical need, we have been able to satisfy a spiritual need. I praise You for Your goodness and grace that You have poured upon us.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-119448463057756072011-08-27T17:04:00.003-06:002011-08-27T17:33:46.158-06:00Joy and the MundaneCultivating joy. An easy thing to say. An easy thing to do when life is exciting or engaging or fun. A grueling challenge when life is seemingly mundane. A challenge that I will own and love. A challenge that will pierce to the heart of how I choose to view life.
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<br />I'm one week into nursing school. My temptation is to say, "Only 59 more weeks to go!" My temptation is to look past all that the next two years have to offer and fix my eyes upon the completion of the goal. My temptation is to only take joy in the opportunity that God has provided for me once I have my degree. My temptation is to ignore that which He has planned and set before me for each moment of this afternoon and the upcoming week.
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<br />It is so tempting to look to the next "exciting" part of life: receiving a college degree, marriage, children, career, travelling, settling, retirement, etc. Our culture operates and thrives on this notion. I have done it before; unfortunately more than I can properly record. I would cite it as a strategy to survive the struggle in which one is currently.
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<br />Thankfully, that is not how God has called me to live my life. God has called me to find my joy in Him for every moment of every day. He is my supreme delight. He is my ultimate satisfaction. He has asked me and enabled me to seek delight in Him in all struggle and all celebration.
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<br />The word "mundane" is often synonymous with lifelessness, thoughtlessness, lacking of excitement. Why do I allow my life to become mundane? Allow me to rephrase that question: Why do I ever choose to view my life as mundane? It isn't. The trees outside are growing and the leaves are green and the bark brown. It doesn't have to be that way. Tress could grow down. Trees don't necessarily have to grow at all but God has provided them. Be amazed by the beauty of a simple leaf once again. Stand in awe of the Creator once again because His hand has allowed such beauty.
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<br />This life will be over before I realize it. It is a vapor. As my birthdays pass each year, this becomes more and more evident. If I continue to find my joy in the anticipation of the future circumstances that this life will provide, I will always be dissatisfied. Even more than the dissatisfaction that would plague my life, I would be missing the purpose. My God has saved me that I may know Him. Knowing Him brings deep joy. Knowing Him brings deep satisfaction in any circumstance.
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<br />I choose to rejoice in 150 pages of reading for Theory and Fundamentals because it is where God has me. Where God has me is good because it is where I am most able to glorify Him. I don't use the word "good" as most people would. I use it in reference to that which causes me to turn to my God once again and that which reflects my God. This is good. Moment by moment, I will rejoice in where God has me because it is good.
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<br />I will cultivate joy. I will work for it and fight for it. God has set me here specifically and purposely. I will be content because my life is not mundane. It is new and fresh because the gospel is what I stand upon every morning. Viewing life as mundane is not an option because it's not. Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-1189742187032872732011-08-18T18:15:00.004-06:002011-08-18T18:43:44.604-06:00Excited ExpectancyI have attended orientation. I have been finger-printed. I have filled out background check release forms. I have had a drug test. I ordered my books. I received a stethoscope. I picked out scrubs. I am shopping for non-skid, non-porous shoes. I have had a second set of transcripts sent. I have gotten my TB skin test. I have made sure all my shots are updated. I got physical forms filled out. I have my carpool organized.
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<br />I am ready for Nursing School!
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<br />I attended orientation a week ago. Most of it was preparing us emotionally, physically, and mentally for the stress and pressure of the upcoming four semesters. I have been told it will take sixty to seventy hours of study time outside of class to do well. I have been told there will be times in which I will think I won't make it. I have been told there will be nothing happening in my life over the next sixteen weeks other than my schooling. I have been told this will consume my life.
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<br />I am excited to pursue excellence to my God's great glory over these next sixteen weeks. I look forward to Pharmacology, Fundamentals, Medication Calculation, Clinicals and Sim Lab. I am finally on the downhill slope of my schooling where I am able to pursue my passion. I get to express my passion for people as well as the inner workings of the human body by showing compassion, by sharing joy and by loving well.
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<br />My passion for people and the human body is fueled by a much deeper passion: my precious Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the one who sustains me day by day. He is the one who has created me and given me the passions I have pursued. He is the one who has enabled me to be at SFCC this semester. He is the one who has sovereignly placed every other student there this semester. Over the next sixteen weeks, I get to study, work, and encourage thirty two peers. We are going to be forced to live life together. I could not be more excited about this.
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<br />At UNM, I would attend my classes. I would sit alone. I would seek as little interaction as possible. God, beginning fall 2010, had different plans for my time at UNM. There was a girl in three of my classes--one of those requiring a study group. I was forced to interact; this was God's grace. Kendra and I became quick friends as many of our interests intersected and overlapped. She was not a believer. This was the first unbeliever that I interacted with enough to call a friend. We studied together. We rode the bus home together. We figured out how the heart and lungs functioned together. Because of the relationship built, I could talk about the gospel. I asked what purpose she had in her life if she knew nothing after death. That conversation changed my life. I hope it changed hers.
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<br />This semester, as I switch schools, I am going to be sharing life with thirty two nursing students over the next two years. I am carpooling with two of them. I am doing clinicals with eight others. I am interacting with the entire group four times a week.
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<br />My heart has an excited expectancy as I look to these next two years. There will be times where I am broken and exhausted and think I cannot go on. There will most likely be times where my heart is starved for fellowship. There will be times where I will be discontent before my God because I don't like where I am at the moment. In such times, I pray and hope the gospel is brought back into focus. May the gospel exude from me by God's grace alone to these thirty two students. I pray they see a difference. I pray they see Christ. I pray that in my weakness, His strength is seen. I pray that I direct every ounce of ability back to my Creator who gave it to me. I pray His name is on my lips. May these students know Him. Excited expectancy is what I call it. Excited expectancy for all God is going to do in, through but mostly in spite of me. I am so excited to be able to watch.
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<br /> Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-55683487285448928002011-08-06T20:01:00.004-06:002011-08-06T20:44:33.704-06:00The Beauty of Grace<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLU6u2x9lL0g2bpse7PMIE3pD1FUSRXp29f3zXjgXJUGBilMYS-IZ5az9BmKym2t6SrF4kY-6U4jRKSeDOYPGS1HmTX5khHGfy9mUEKqWux1THfTbCk45V-vyESFulzJOm4GaGBXGujlw/s1600/284055_2269190410047_1257203558_32717993_5014595_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLU6u2x9lL0g2bpse7PMIE3pD1FUSRXp29f3zXjgXJUGBilMYS-IZ5az9BmKym2t6SrF4kY-6U4jRKSeDOYPGS1HmTX5khHGfy9mUEKqWux1THfTbCk45V-vyESFulzJOm4GaGBXGujlw/s400/284055_2269190410047_1257203558_32717993_5014595_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5637939432632593346" /></a><br />The school year is fast approaching. The "normal" Albuquerque group is returning in the next couple weeks. Some of the Nav boys are living right next door. I am working out details for my commute and my classes this fall. I am cleaning, cleaning, cleaning as the dust in New Mexico accumulates quickly in every crevice possible. <br /><br />In the midst of logistical preparations, my heart remembers and dwells upon that which the Lord taught me over the summer. I look forward to this being a spring board to deeper growth as well as fellowship with the Body this upcoming fall as it was last year. <br /><br />Conversations from last summer about love, joy, fellowship, and the glory of God were built upon throughout the duration of this past school year and were further burgeoned with my girls over the course of this summer. I praise God for the depths of who He is. He is infinite and thus we can continue to search and seek the depths of our Lord for all of our time on this earth and not reach the end of our great Creator. <br /><br />This summer, though, as much as I planned on building upon that which the Lord taught me last summer, He had greater plans. He built upon last summer, providing the grasping of concepts I did not previously comprehend but He presented the understanding of a beautiful, age-old truth as well. I remember talking to Sarah last fall over blueberry pancakes at Flying Star about truth and grace. She asked, "Are you more of a 'truth' or 'grace' person?" After some thought, I soundly answered, "A truth person." I have a more difficult time understanding our God's great love, mercy and grace than His righteousness, justice and holiness. God possesses all of these qualities in perfect completion and He made that abundantly clear over the summer.<br /><br />Every Wednesday morning, we had a lecture entitled, "Law Breakers" that waded through the book of Galatians. It drove home the idea of grace every week for me. It hammered it into my hard, dense head. It caused me to stand in awe of our God's grace that He pours upon His children moment by moment. <br /><br />Grace--the theme of the summer. Grace. Our team operated on grace. It was a beautiful situation in which to find myself. It supplied the opportunity to pursue excellence in celebration of that which Christ has done for me rather than the drudgery that accompanies morality oftentimes. Celebration--my God has freed me to serve Him. He has taken away my chains of bondage--the chains that I cherished--forever. He has cleaned my wounds. He has loved me. And now He has set me before this world and has said, "LIVE! Live because I have freed you. Celebrate." <br /><br />This grace is not dependent on anything that I do. It was taken care of on the cross 2,000 years ago. There is no expiration on grace. It is not dependent on how much I sin or how much excellence I actually achieve. It is dependent on my God and His sacrifice for me. Praise Him!<br /><br />Quinton led worship throughout the summer. On Wednesday evenings, following evangelism, he would often say, "The gap caused by sin between God and man is infinite. This means His grace toward us is also infinite." Infinite grace! There is an ever flowing rushing river of grace toward me. Be amazed at such beauty! Stand in awe! Allow it to cause you to be awed again. <br /><br />In the face of grace, the depth of my sin is even more disgusting. I sin because I am a sinner. It is innate and pervades every inch of my being. Apart from Christ, all I do is sin. His grace covers me. He has washed me clean. I am justified--He sees me as righteous! <br /><br />Because His grace is infinite, I am able to enjoy Him. Ah, our God is a holy, loving, righteous, merciful, just, grace-giving Creator and the Body of Christ has the eternal future of being enraptured by Him forever and ever. Ah, what joy!Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-61956481407554037892011-08-02T15:23:00.001-06:002011-08-02T16:37:06.107-06:00Cultivated RejoicingI have officially returned home. Home meaning my home rather than my parents’ home. The fans are on, the swamp cooler on high, windows open. Reopening an empty house alone after eight weeks is more emotionally taxing than I would have assumed. The bleach I poured down the drains hoping to dissuade the cockroaches from entering and the grass in front that needs to be mowed are both small reminders that Narnia is over and reality has hit once again.<br /> <br />Encountering reality was not as horrendous a concept at the end of my eight weeks with Worldview this year as it was last. I had been preparing myself for it before the summer started as I remembered the end of camp last year; upon my return home, I quarantined myself because of the emotional despair I was feeling. This simply was not an option this summer. Such a reaction did not serve my family, friends, church or staff from the summer with excellence. My resolve this year was to rejoice in that which the Lord did through me and the team, in me and the team, and despite me and the team. Sitting here facing reality once again, I have found I must be reminded to rejoice. A deep rejoicing must be cultivated in such circumstances.<br /> <br />Rejoicing is not flowing freely because it is masked by my desire to share life once again with the staff. It is masked by the longing once again to have one task set before me—serving my students to the glory of our great God. It is masked by the craving to “feel” God’s grace so tangibly in the work during the camp week and to see it so tangibly in the life of the students once again. <br /> <br />These are beautiful opportunities a summer at Worldview affords—something that is only in Narnia. I rejoice in them and look back fondly upon those moments when they were such clear realities that I could have pulled them from the air, touching, smelling and tasting them. I rejoice in God’s providence displayed in setting Narnia apart. <br /><br />And yet, our great God works outside of Narnia. His work at camp is meant to fuel us on to pursue His glory and grace in reality. I am able to wake up rejoicing in His grace because He enables me to do so whether I’m at home or whether I’m at camp. I rejoice in the memories of His grace: when I had an impromptu theological conversation with almost every one of my fourteen year olds in Oklahoma, when I saw how the Lord had preserved and grew my repeat students from Texas, when one of my students in Mississippi came to me Friday morning saying, “Lauren, I get it!!”, when I had deep, refreshing and challenging one on ones in Florida, when my girls in Georgia understood and applied the concept of servant leadership two days into camp, when I had a student in North Carolina who spewed out joy like a shaken soda can every moment of the entire week, and when my girls in Virginia understood and grasped the importance of leading with an attitude that responds like Christ would. <br /> <br />It was a beautiful summer. It was a beautiful summer because God worked and His work is clearly seen. All glory be to Him. A simple reflection on His work, which reflects who He is, brings about rejoicing—deep, lasting rejoicing. Praise Him for His visible grace.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-47546959451955527372011-04-11T23:08:00.003-06:002011-04-11T23:31:07.992-06:00My God's GraceI've been meaning to blog for a while. I have had a blog post floating around in my head for the last week but haven't had time to actually write as I am finishing up my last few weeks of school, prepping well for Thursday night Bible study and getting ready for this summer. All to say, here it is. Hopefully, it won't be this long before I post again. <br /><br />As a logistical update in life, I am headed to nursing school this fall at Santa Fe Community College. My God is so good to know exactly what I need. This will provide that my schooling be much cheaper and that I get my summers off. My school terms will also be sixteen weeks rather than 14 weeks like at UNM. I'm hoping that despite the commute, that the program is a little more relaxed than UNM's Nursing Program would have been. Whether or not such is the case, His grace is sufficient and I am trusting in that.<br /><br />I have also been given the tremendous opportunity to serve for my second summer at <a href="http://www.worldview.org/">Worldview Academy</a> in the Southeast. This has been a growing experience already. I found the struggle to love a new team and new people much harder than I expected but it has forced me to be on my knees asking the Lord that He make my feelings sincere toward these people. I have been asking that His love be the love with which I love them. My God has been faithful to answer prayer. I have found this to be a beautiful start to this summer. I have been communicating with some of our staff girls through facebook and my heart is getting more and more excited about the deep friendships that will come as a result of this summer. <br /><br />I also have a beautiful praise of God's grace in my life to share. While praying about applying to WVA and finally deciding to do so, I prayed that the Lord would close the door if He wanted me at home and that He would have me accepted if I was to be with WVA. I trusted that their acceptance would be the answer. Sarah called me March 14 to tell me I had been accepted for the whole summer with the South East Team. That was a surprise! I really did think I was going to be home this summer. I accepted and rejoiced over God's sovereignty. <br /><br />Last week, when the schedules posted for summer and fall classes, I perused the listings to find the one class I needed before going to SFCC this fall. I could not find it anywhere. I knew my permanent acceptance into Nursing school was counting on this class. I was left in a place of uncertainty. I didn't want to call the WVA office and tell them I couldn't staff. I had prayed the Lord would open the door if that's what He willed and so He did. He couldn't possibly be closing it this late, after I had spent so much time praying that He would cause me to love my team? As I went to bed Thursday evening, I knew He was in control. I knew He would work everything out for my good and for His glory but I don't think I really believed that. I had limited this "working for good and for His glory" to my being at WVA. That night as I got ready for bed, I slowly let it go. What He wanted was what I would surrender myself to because He is my Abba. <br /><br />Friday morning after class, I immediately called SFCC to ask if I was even looking at the right class, which couldn't be confirmed that day, and started traipsing campus with the intention of getting into a class before I left for the summer during my last week of Microbiology. I found His grace to be more than sufficient in this often frustrating job of making it to the correct offices to ask the correct questions. I talked to an advisor and made it to OneStop. I found that it would be possible to take the class during my Microbiology class under the condition that I got the right signatures. I was overjoyed. I could do that.<br /><br />This morning, Merilee, from SFCC, called and reported that after talking with those in charge of the Nursing Program that I didn't even need to take the class. I praise God for this. His grace is sufficient and is so much more than that. It is overwhelming. He would have given me everything I needed to find all the signatures or to find the class maybe in Las Cruces but He didn't. <br /><br />It is easy to praise Him when things turn out the way they originally were supposed to and I praise Him in the midst of it. I pray that my reaction is the same when things don't seem to go the way I think they should. I pray that I would be submitted to His will and purpose for His glory and not my own.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-55034197793109668442011-02-24T17:01:00.005-07:002011-02-24T17:11:50.039-07:00Sick and Browsing<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS37IG0TpwUbzOPHruvLk1g0LT9tPFbKePm_B6hPcQK-bBV0tk8YO-W_6crIvv1z-RJr6uB8X0cTmEMmivVgq5h4sMF9v-Arc3nJiYxXhRDFDYfJSpVXcZWR2ynsXSI6088jlMKB6S-F4/s1600/You+are+my+Sunshine.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 309px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS37IG0TpwUbzOPHruvLk1g0LT9tPFbKePm_B6hPcQK-bBV0tk8YO-W_6crIvv1z-RJr6uB8X0cTmEMmivVgq5h4sMF9v-Arc3nJiYxXhRDFDYfJSpVXcZWR2ynsXSI6088jlMKB6S-F4/s400/You+are+my+Sunshine.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577412691173675378" /></a><br />I am currently sick. While sick, I allow myself to browse the Internet and Facebook without guilt as most of my day is spent watching movies (insert, "have watched <span style="font-style:italic;">Fireproof</span> three times in 24 hours) because I can't focus on getting schoolwork done. Everything hurts, is spinning, or is draining or any combination of the above. <br /><br />I have been making-over my dining room recently. It previously was a hodge-podge room and already I am much happier with it. The "designer" in me though is working on wall art ideas. I found this today and I want it. I'm thinking about purchasing it but haven't decided if the twenty two dollar price tag is worth it (why yes, I am a very cheap college student). I'm not sure yet but I do know that it provided fantastic inspiration for that room!<br /><br />If you want one too, you can find it <a href="http://www.katiedaisy.net/shop/">here</a>.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-72017507225091900722011-02-06T22:57:00.002-07:002011-02-06T23:18:24.960-07:00DaddyDaddy,<br /><br />I sat in bed working on homework this afternoon while one of my Internet pages was tuned into ESPN.com so that I could keep up with the Super Bowl game. Usually I could care less--I simply didn't get your sports-interest gene but this time the Green Bay Packers were playing. As soon as I heard that the Packers had made it to the Super Bowl, my interest was peaked. Memories of your Green Bay Packers stadium replica that adorned your desk in your office and your cheese-head came flooding back and my passion for the Super Bowl was sparked for the first time in history. I rooted loudly for them as their points increased and made sure the neighborhood knew of my disapproval when the Steelers showed any sign of competition, all while Emily rolled her eyes from my bedroom floor. You see, Daddy, things like the Green Bay Packers are one of the few things that I remember about you. So, by rooting for the Packers, I was rooting for you and celebrating your life in one of the only ways I know how to anymore. <br /><br />My memories of you are sparse and those that are left continue to fade. I sit in my desk chair clothed in one of your Piper Impact shirts remembering that which I can remember. I wish my memory was more capable of holding onto small delights and moments. <br /><br />I must and do rejoice in Romans 8:28. Your death led to many good things because my God is faithful to His promises. I praise Him for a new family, new sisters, for New Mexico, for the opportunities and growth I have experienced. Most of all, I praise Him that out of the situation set before me at the age of ten, I later came to a saving knowledge of His wondrous works. I came to know His Son as my Savior and the Father as my Father. God you are good!<br /><br />Daddy, as you died so long ago, I honestly cannot say that I know where you are for eternity; I don't have the courage to ask Mom because I fear the answer. Nonetheless, I will rejoice. I hope to see you when this earth is no longer my home but if not, my God is still my God. He is ever faithful and I shall praise Him forevermore. May His glory be my highest aim!Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-20575379566791618032010-10-28T23:10:00.003-06:002010-11-11T23:50:05.699-07:00Sin Seen in FriendshipsI have been so frustrated with myself lately. I am so sinful. This should not come as a surprise. I get riled up so easily. I am rather sensitive to teasing. I am argumentative. I get frustrated with others. My own well-being is often on the forefront of my mind instead of the gospel. I hate when I don't feel listened to because I "deserve" to be listened to. Really?! No, how self-serving I can be! I am selfish. My balance of truth and grace is not really a balance. I don't keep my word. I don't exhibit self-control. I am loud. Gentleness is often not something I exemplify or practice. I talk a lot and listen little. I am more concerned with earthly things than eternal things. I poorly balance my schoolwork. I procrastinate constantly. I do not make aggressive hospitality a lifestyle. I say a lot and do little. I hide from conflict and yet when I must, I deal with it poorly. This list doesn't even touch on many of the inward sins that only manifest themselves in subtle ways. And now, look at me, I'm throwing myself a pity party! <br /><br />Some of my friendships [specifically within Navs] have afforded such comfortableness that I am much less concerned with being agreeable and not stepping on toes. We are comfortable with one another. This leads to less guard against those seemingly small sins that easily weasel their way into my daily activities. Thus, my sin is clearly visible. It is BLARING! From my viewpoint, it has sirens and is painted red. It is clear for all to see. <br /><br />This is the most disgusting part of all of this. I do not hate this sin because it is disgusting and filthy to my God but because it shines a poor light on ME. I don't want these wonderfully encouraging friendships to end and the fear is that if too much sin is seen, there will not be sufficient grace on their part to cover all that they see so visibly. So silly am I. <br /><br />Nonetheless, I pray that my sin becomes disgusting to me because it dishonors my God not because it dishonors my own name. I also am reminded to pursue excellence--righteousness--Christ so that I become more like Him. <br /><br />I am so thankful for sanctification as painful as it might be.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-60597345406887835362010-10-28T14:30:00.002-06:002010-10-28T14:43:27.851-06:00#42#42. Pray about who/what to faithfully support monthly.<br /><br />This is a recent opportunity that was presented to me at the Navigators' Fall Conference. I wanted this to be something that was purposed toward the Great Commission. I wanted to be something that had some eternal value. <br /><br />I went to Fall Conference and they spoke of the 10/40 Window as Christians often do. The Navigators Headquarters is sending a family from Cedar Falls, Iowa to Australia to minister there. There are a few reasons why. <br /><br />1. The Navigator ministry in Australia is small yet faithful. There are few students throughout the entire continent present but those that are present are willing to labor. They have a passion and a drive to do so.<br /><br />2. There are less negative feelings toward the Australians in comparison to those from the US. They are going to have more of an opportunity to build relationships with those abroad as there are less barriers to the friendship.<br /><br />3. Since September 11, 2001, there are many countries that have begun sending their students elsewhere to learn English. That elsewhere being Australia. There is a huge population of international college students in Australia and thus not only will this new "plant" in Australia be one of sending but also one of ministering to students right there.<br /><br />4. Australians are much more willing and likely to travel in comparison to those from the States. They are not afraid of being sent out. They are excited about being involved in such things. <br /><br />I have chosen to give $10 a month to this family of six. I am excited for the opportunity to support this sweet family but also to be a part of ministering the gospel to those living in the 10/40 window. <br /><br />Here's my <a href="http://http://cinderellalunchbox4.blogspot.com/2009/12/101-in-1001.html">101 in 1001</a> list for reference.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-17740615552411077102010-10-28T13:15:00.002-06:002010-10-28T14:26:51.808-06:00#95#95. Go to a concert.<br /><br />Unfortunately there aren't any pictures from this event. Hillsong came to Albuquerque. Once my mom found out, she bought ten tickets assuming they would sell out quickly. She had planned on selling them to our friends and keeping what we needed for the family. All of the other sisters were out of town and so Mom and I were left to attend on August 2. That date might be off a bit. <br /><br />It was a fun concert. Heidi, Chris, Mrs. Sharp, Chelsea, Garret, Johnathan, Carrie, Anie came with us. It ended up that Mom just gave the tickets as a gift to each of them. <br /><br />I found that I'm not huge on concerts. They're loud and hot and I find them to be awkward. Do you sit or stand?! Nonetheless, I'm glad I went and completed my #95. <br /><br />Here's my <a href="http://http://cinderellalunchbox4.blogspot.com/2009/12/101-in-1001.html">101 in 1001</a> for reference.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-54886166619492738562010-10-16T18:31:00.003-06:002010-10-16T19:03:18.142-06:00All-or-NothingIt has been crazy around here lately. Sometimes I feel like life is falling apart. That feeling comes easily when I realize that I missed an online test or when I realize I missed a day of chores. <br /><br />You see I'm an "all-or-nothing" type of girl. If I can't get it all done, well, I'm not even going to attempt or at least not put any effort into it. When I've been giving my "all" to something and then realize that I missed part of that "all," that "all" isn't an "all" anymore. If there's only two options, it must revert back to a "nothing" which means failure. That is not my goal so thus this reflects poorly on me and my work ethic, and hence the feeling of "falling apart." I hope that was follow-able. <br /><br />When I got in the car today to come to Flying Star, I felt conquered, crushed, in despair, forsaken, destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:7-12). Yes, I am a girl and yes, I am highly emotional. Also, referencing the above paragraph, this is the feeling that come as a result of thinking I missed a psych test. I was doing so well. Had not missed one assignment and then I realized last night that I never took the chapter 6 test nor did I do the participation reports for three days. I got on WebCT today resolved to realize my slate was wiped clean. I preached the gospel to myself and rejoiced in the grace that is so freely given. <br /><br />I got on today and by God's ever-present and never ending grace, it is fall break. This means that the chapter 6 test wasn't due on Thursday night but Monday night so I hadn't missed it. I love those little things that are so little but yet bring me much joy. <br /><br />Ah, to preach the gospel to myself. So often I find myself living in my sin and wallowing in it. It is right to be disgusted by my sin. It is right to hate my sin. It is right to realize my sin. It is right to be mournful over my sin knowing that it is spitting on the face of the God; the God that chose me and pulled me from the depths of the miry pit. That is right. But if that's where the thought process ends, it is all in vain. There is more to the story than my sin. Christ died on the cross for ME. My sins are GONE. They are as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Wallowing in my sins is not trusting my God that He has removed them from me. It is saying that my God is not big enough to do so. He is not big enough to make me clean. Christ's offering on the cross did not run deep enough to cover the extent that I have sinned. Oh, what a lie such things are! My God has saved me. He has wiped all dirt from me. He has cleaned me. He has made my white as snow. My heart is now one of flesh instead of one of stone. He has made me alive! Let us rejoice!<br /><br />On the second note, I'm still going to sin until I die. Yes, I have not arrived. And please forgive me if I have ever acted or spoken as if I have. I do not rely on my Savior in the capacity that I need to thus sin abounds. Apart from Christ, it is impossible for me not to sin. Sanctification is a process (reference conversation with Anna at the end of Baylor camp). It will be ongoing and it will be painful. Sometimes it will pierce and sting. Sometimes it will pain me for longer than I think I can endure such things but my God knows much better. <br /><br />So, in light of sanctification and justification, my attitude that I often succumb to, "all or nothing," has no place in my life. I am going to fail and I am going to fall. It is going to hurt but I will never be in despair, crushed, forsaken, destroyed because of Christ alone. I must live to His glory. I must give all that I have--as this is my reasonable service in response to the grace that I have been shown (Romans 12:1-2) but oftentimes I will fail in that and I must still go on. I must still press forth. I still must delight myself in the grace that is given to me minute by minute on this earth.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-59264412342354040212010-09-22T14:59:00.002-06:002010-09-22T15:35:10.947-06:00Paralyzed No MoreAs I opened my planner last night, my eyes focused in on the orange written on almost every day, the blue that signifies chores for the house, the pink and purple that I rarely see because all those classes ever have are tests, the black that accompanies every Friday and Monday and the red for which I have yet to even start understanding the material. In the largest sense of the word, I am overwhelmed. <br /><br />I struggled with this all last year. My fall semester was marked by apathy and a general idea of procrastination brings the grade (it always worked during high school--my best papers were written at four am). My spring semester was one of inner conflict: the desire to do well and yet not desiring to work for it. My grades reflected all that was going on inside of me. I preferred to develop closer friendships with the believers on the leadership team for Navigators, providing a home in which we could experience true fellowship. Well, true fellowship was not had. Relationships did grow and I praise God for His grace in this area but my life was far from honoring to Him for my priorities were skewed and my pursuit of holiness thrown to the wayside. <br /><br />As I write this, only now do I realize, last year was marked also by pride. This all was done to prove myself. I had new friends. They had to understand how I could serve and how holy I could look. Oh, how disgusting! Fear of inadequacy lay simmering deep below the surface. <br /><br />(I do want to clarify that holiness was on a back burner somewhere; by His grace it had minor focus. There was some pursuit of Him that was not empty by His grace alone)<br /><br />The first Navigator SALT team leadership meeting this year started off talking about a quote from a book, "Disciples are Made, Not Born." It pointedly said, "If you are at college for any other reason than to be a missionary for Jesus Christ, you are going for selfish, sinful reasons." My first reaction was, "WHAT?!? Excuse me. God has called me to school and that is what I am supposed to be doing. Yes, the Great Commission needs to be center but I am here to get a degree so that I can serve in the capacity to which God has called me <span style="font-style:italic;">in the future</span>. I can't believe you could even accuse me of such things. That's not selfish." <br /><br />After further discussion with an extremely helpful brother in Christ, missionary made much more sense to me. Missionary is someone who goes to live somewhere and <span style="font-style:italic;">immerses</span> themselves in the culture in which they are now living. Without the cultural immersion (not including that which is unbiblical), one is not able to relate to the people. Applying this to college, if I were to pursue excellence in my studies, I am being a missionary. Studying is part of the college culture. It is a necessary part of the college culture in which I can blatantly bring glory to my King who gives me the ability to keep my eyes open and my brain processing. I cannot be a missionary unless I am pursuing excellence in this area. <br /><br />My motivation for my studies has returned this semester. It is nowhere near the battle that I had with my flesh last semester (that I lost more than daily). I have been enjoying my schoolwork and find all that I'm studying extremely interesting. <br /><br />As I look over my planner and the twenty quizzes, six tests, and three assignments that are all due before this month ends, I am worried not over the amount of work but over my inadequacy. The work will happen; there are several other students that have done it in the past and are doing it presently. Six science classes in one semester has been done before, I think. I worry that I am inadequate to do such things though. This paralyzes me. This causes me to desire to throw myself into social interaction or cooking or cleaning. Those are things that I can do but all of that work. I am incapable. <br /><br />This is a reality check and a reminder. My feelings of inadequacy are based in truth. I am correct--I <span style="font-style:italic;">CANNOT</span> do it. I am totally and completely incapable. Praise God for overwhelming amounts of work knowing that it serves as a reminder of my human frailty. Also I turn my attention to John 15. He makes me clean. I was not qualified but in Him I am. It is Him working through me, not me. May He bring glory unto Himself by working through me. May His name be proclaimed in the most brutally practical way possible: by pursuing excellence in my schoolwork even when it means not sleeping eight hours every night. May He be my strength and my song. May my delight be found in Him. <br /><br />I needed to be reminded.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-18752400400618610112010-08-29T00:30:00.003-06:002010-08-29T00:49:41.188-06:00MarriageI went to Craig and Brett's wedding this evening. It was beautiful. Their smiles, when looking at each other, explained it all: an unexplained or grasped joy for what God has truly brought together. I loved seeing one of my childhood friends marry a man that loved her so much. I remember teasing her about being married especially young when we were respectively thirteen and sixteen. She would always retort with the FACT that she would not marry until she was older--twenty eight or thirty--if she got married at all. Here she is, five years too early for her liking, married and I am rejoicing for them this evening.<br /><br />Weddings turn my heart upon my own singleness. Previously, new marriage would direct my heart toward my own relationship status in a very sinful and idolizing way. I would imagine what my dress and the day would look like and how perfect my husband would be. I idolized marriage, forsaking the very sanctifying nature of such an institution. I had my marriage all lined out: 4000 square foot house, 8.72 children, husband who worked 9-5 only and came home happy every single day, perfect dinners, perfect discipline, weedless garden, etc. The Lord was so good to cause me to realize how ridiculous my presumptions were about my future through talking with older women in the church. I can now say, in God's grace, that whatever my husband is called to do, I will partner with him in his ministry so as to be a helpmeet. If that means living in a canvas tent in the middle of the Sahara, God's grace is sufficient as is His joy. <br /><br />My heart longs for marriage. This longing is different than that previously experienced. I long for a husband for the extremely practical side of things: mowing the lawn, killing the cockroaches, packing the car. There is a deeper longing though. It is found in my desire for challenging fellowship. It is found in my desire to have a very present spiritual leader in my life. This is the aspect of marriage that I am most excited about presently. I love the challenge I experience when around one who is more mature in Christ and yet can lead with patience and tenderness. The fellowship I desire can be touched upon in relationships outside of marriage but God designed marriage to exemplify one of the deepest forms of fellowship while on this earth. Oh how I am excited for such things! In His timing, may such things happen--I desire nothing more than this. For now, challenge will come in my friendships and in my relationship with the Lord alone. <br /><br />The Lord was teaching me much about marriage this past spring and my heart has been dwelling on it once again. May it not become an idol again. The Lord's grace is sufficient to provide patience in this waiting period. And if I am called to singleness, with great rejoicing I will accept such a call, knowing that it would be to your glory and purpose.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-21324906397433066182010-08-20T14:39:00.003-06:002010-08-23T08:34:07.401-06:00Paul Washer SermonIf Jesus is not enough to motivate you to godly living, you don't know Jesus. <br /><br />Let's keep it simple, Christ and Christ alone. I have need for nothing else.<br /><br />It is to put your life at His disposable.<br /><br />You only have one struggle and it's the one thing that I struggle with too: Are you going to put your life at Christ's disposal? What do You want me to do today? Here I am Lord. <br /><br />Oh Lord I want to be so active that you have no time to tell me what to do. This is our attitude in the church today. <br /><br />God will honor a heart that makes any kind of attempt to be at His disposal. <br /><br />There's one thing my hard head can't pound through: the love of Christ--it knocks me to my knees. <br /><br />He was poor, many times was tired, many times had anguish but He was never empty because He was putting His life at the will of His Father, at His Father's disposal.<br /><br />You feel empty. Let a little red flag go up. You need a vacation? You put yourself at the disposal of God and you won't be empty any longer.<br /><br />He might want you to draw near unto Him and cut half your activities. Ephesians 5:2<br /><br />If you say you have nothing to give, you're saying God gave you nothing! It's better to say what He hath given me, I shall return.<br /><br />False humility is a great destroyer of many things.<br /><br />The times in which I have died to self have been the happiest points in my life. When I put myself before everyone else, those times are the most miserable times in my life.<br /><br />The thing about it is: DIE.<br /><br />It's all about Jesus Christ being first, second, third, fourth, and fifth. What I'm trying to say is Jesus Christ is EVERYTHING.<br /><br />Die to yourself that you might have life.<br /><br />I have never given anything away that I have felt sorry for. I have never been self-sacrificing and looked back and regretted such things.<br /><br />Does being theologically correct mean anything if we don't die first?<br /><br />Are you empty, then die? Are you miserable, then die? Are you feeling icky inside, then die? <br /><br />In the kingdom, its about going down the ladder not going up it.<br /><br />It has been a long time since I've listened to a Paul Washer sermon. Oh my, how I had forgotten what I had been missing! These previous notes are from his sermon on Die to Self, Surrender to Him on SermonAudio.com.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-83337083256557134762010-08-17T23:11:00.003-06:002010-08-18T00:01:16.215-06:00Just a Few Things I Like...Dance parties in the car.<br /><br />Challenging discussions about the person of God and how that plays out in this world with my brothers and sisters in Christ.<br /><br />Having joy that only comes from the Lord, joy that directs my heart and mind back to the gospel. <br /><br />The realization that the gospel is the only motivation I need in serving Him in whatever capacity it might be whether it be waking up or talking to the person next to me about the great sacrifice made for me on the cross.<br /><br />Talking to new people.<br /><br />Finishing a good book.<br /><br />Finishing a project. <br /><br />Hearing my sister sing.<br /><br />Waking up early.<br /><br />Running [slowly in comparison to most of the running population].<br /><br />Accomplishing something I didn't think I would be able to do. <br /><br />Hand-written notes from others where their love for me is obvious. <br /><br />Writing notes for others because in such circumstances, my focus cannot be on myself.<br /><br />Biting into a juicy strawberry, plump blackberry, firm raspberry or gigantic blueberry.<br /><br />Having fresh flowers on my desk or at my kitchen table. <br /><br />Decorating my home and scheming about what project to start next.<br /><br />Receiving snail mail.<br /><br />Adventures.<br /><br />Stars on a very black night. In the grass.<br /><br />Sewing. Feeling fabric in my hands.<br /><br />Seeing a rose blossom over a period of days.<br /><br />Hardwood floors. For dancing.<br /><br />Baking bread. In an apron. <br /><br />Getting muddy.<br /><br />Talking to brothers and sisters in Christ with whom it is extremely easy to carry on a conversation for hours.<br /><br />Walking outside at night.<br /><br />Weeding when I get the entire root.<br /><br />These things previous are just a few things that I like in this life. The list could go on for quite awhile. May I be thankful in the fact that the Lord has enabled me to enjoy this life. Everything in my life should draw my heart back to the gospel. <br /><br />This summer, during the C.S. Lewis Transposition talk in Tennessee, we talked about how this earth is a shadow of heaven. Dell discussed church and how many of the things that we do in church are shadows of what we do daily (communion, dinner). Communion and dinner can even be broken down further. Dinner and communion parallel one another: a call to worship (call to dinner), confession (eek...should have taken better notes but I think within the dinner context this was talking about one's day), consecration (prayer for the meal), communion (eating). What I'm trying to get at is the things that I enjoy and the things that I participate in daily should draw me back to the Lord. Dell used the example of a shower. The purpose of a shower is to clean oneself of the dirt, body odor, sweat from the day: a daily shadow of salvation. What if for the fifteen or twenty minutes I spend in the shower, I were to remind myself of my salvation, of how I am justified. I have been made clean by the Only One who can truly clean. <br /><br />Maybe I'm making too big of a leap but the things that I enjoy should bring me back to Christ and His work in my life because the things that fill our day (i.e. meals, cleaning oneself, work, talking to others) are often shadows of the Lord's work in our life, what He has done on the cross and continues to do in our sanctification. I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense. I am only starting to grasp this in my small mind and so I do not expect any one reading this to be able to make any sense of such things.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-67096771054372648772010-08-13T13:55:00.003-06:002010-08-13T14:14:55.691-06:00The Glory of God is Man Fully AliveThe following dialog is a discussion that the staff had during a lecture in Florida. I remember sitting out on the dock that morning with ten to twelve other staff. It was hot. It was humid. I was so excited to be there and yet I had no idea what to expect. As we began discussing the quote "The glory of God is man fully alive," I felt very challenged. Honestly, discussions like this are a commodity at home. I've maybe delved this deep with other believers five or six times before. I came from that conversation extremely contemplative. I came from that conversation challenged to work toward creating such an environment within Albuquerque with Navigators or simply other believers in general. I experienced one of the truest forms of fellowship (as true as this world can be as it is still tainted by sin) that morning and it was wonderful. It was wonderful to be challenged by the Body. Thank you Lord for such an experience. May Your gospel by my motivation in all that I do. <br /><br />Glory of God is man fully alive: <br /> <br />Anna: Man fully alive is man fully dead to self.<br /> <br />Micah: Was God not glorified before man was created? God seems dependent on man.<br /> <br />Dayne: God is glorified through his sacrifice that made man alive. So glory still originates with God. No dependence on man.<br /> <br />Anna: Before the Fall was man fully alive?<br /> <br />Justin: What does it mean to be fully alive in a Fallen World?<br /> <br />Hannah: Dell's definition of life was something about pouring out and receiving in.<br /> <br />Jared: Fully alive is Christ and those in heaven. No hint of death. Christ was the only person fully alive.<br /> <br />Anna: Do we experience moments of being fully alive? Glimpses of heaven?<br /> <br />Dayne: we aren't fully alive until heaven when sanctification is complete.<br /> <br />Justin: When does the fully alive process begin? Salvation. So there must be some fruit now.<br /> <br />Sarah: One sounds like a byproduct and one sounds like a manifestation. The act of glorifying becomes glory.<br /> <br />Ian: Glory is in how God perceives us, which is different before and after the Fall. He treats us differently.<br /> <br />Jared: God's glory is independent of man.<br /> <br />Dayne: We aren't adding glory. God is glorified through us.<br /> <br />Justin: But we are told to glorify God.<br /> <br />Jared: But God isn't dependent on man.<br /> <br />Micah: We live to manifest God's glory. We can't add to it.<br /> <br />Lizzie: We glorify God, but God gave us the ability to do that.<br /> <br />Micah: The pagan doesn't intentional glorify God.<br /> <br />Ian: But the pagan at least creates opposed to a stupid Christian that doesn't do anything.<br /> <br />Micah: A Christian composer writes to glorify God.<br /> <br />Justin: Man's fully alive is the radiance of God's glory. And God is glorified in man fully alive.<br /> <br />Dayne: The harlot in Hosea pursued God's blessing a partfrom God. The more knowledge we have of God, the less<br />tempted we are to playthe harlot. The less tempted we are by the world.<br /> <br />Sarah: God needs rational creatures to contemplate his glory.<br /> <br />Justin: Can God glorify something beside himself in order to receive more glory?<br /> <br />Ian: The nature of glory is that you can't shine it on yourself.<br /> <br />Sarah: The Bible talks about how we will be glorified. The'weight of glory.'<br /> <br />Anna: Let's put this in the context of parent and child...<br /> <br />Justin: Could it be that the most glorifying thing God coulddo is to glorify another?<br /> <br />Dayne: God glorified himself by redeeming something outsideof himself.<br /> <br />Justin: What do you think of when thinking of man fully alive?<br /> <br />Bethany: Living how God intended? That's too easy.<br /> <br />Hannah: The concept is easy. When we have joy in God's work that is a big part of being fully alive.<br /> <br />Lizzie: With the atheist, his art is alive but spiritually dead. To be alive is to be alive in all faculties.<br /> <br />Micah: The exercise of everything that it means to be human.Relationships. Mind .Talent.<br /> <br />Dayne: Man fully reflecting the image of God.<br /> <br />Justin: Is man fully alive a process or an end goal?<br /> <br />Dayne: Is the process the product?<br /> <br />Justin: The journey is the goal.<br /> <br />Micah: The glory of God is man becoming like God. God's greatest glory is many fully alive.<br /> <br />Sarah: Or is God's greatest glory Himself?<br /> <br />Lizzie: 1 Corinthians 11:7<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Just as a man takes delight in his wife so the Lord takes glory in the church.</span><br /> <br />Justin: Our very being is the glory of God.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Every action God does is glorious.</span><br /><br />Sarah: We have to get away from the idea that glory is quantitative. It isn't in math.<br /> <br />Justin: Just as Sarah wants to get away from glory as quantitative, also get away from it being competitive. He doesn't lose glory by giving it to us.<br /> <br />Jared: You can't add anything to infinity.<br /> <br />Ian: Infinity isn't a number, but a concept.<br /> <br />Lizzie. What is our glory doing if we aren't adding to anything?<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">We're the vehicle, not the source.<br /></span> <br />Bethany: Then why would He create us if he didn't need us?<br /> <br />Hannah: We give Him pleasure. <br /> <br />Sarah: A painter manifests his talent in art. But he doesn't gain talent or glory. God desires creative expression. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">We are the creation. The artist still has the glory; we simply manifest it.</span> <br /><br />Justin: The glory isn't an addition from the outside. Still flowing from the author.<br /> <br />Micah: So God glorifies himself by working in us.<br /> <br />Jared: Do you need the painting to bring glory to the painter?<br /> <br />Sarah: A child is covered in mud and looks nothing like the parent. Glory is sanctification; having God remove the mud of<br />sin.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Then that parent gets to watch the child grow.</span><br /> <br />Justin: We not only give glory to God but we are the glory of God.<br /> <br />Micah: Interesting that the parent is the one to clean the child..<br /><br />Sarah was so sweet to take all these notes so that this conversation could be shared among the staff. I took some notes and have added them (italicized) where I think they probably were said.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-56015354634355771902010-08-02T12:08:00.002-06:002010-08-02T13:03:03.009-06:00Reflections on the SummerIt is time for me to write again. I have been home for a week and a couple days.<br /><br />This summer was amazing. It was full of joy, laughter, sorrow, tears, hugs, vulnerability, fruit, grace, frustration, patience and endurance. I spent eight weeks in the Deep South: Oklahoma, Texas, Mississippi, Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Georgia. For seven of those weeks, I was entrusted with 4-12 girls ages 13-18 years old. I had some weeks in which fruit in my girls was extremely evident and so encouraging. I had some weeks where fruit wasn't visible and thus I had to trust in Him to preserve and grow my girls after they left camp. <br /><br />I loved having one-on-ones with girls. Small talk and making conversation is extremely difficult for me but I thrived when I was able to sit down with one girl at a time and delve deeper into who they were and what their relationship with our Lord and Savior looked like. <br /><br />At the beginning of the summer, Randy Sims said, "These [concerning the staff] are going to be some of your best friends after this summer is over; they'll be some of the people in your wedding and some of the first that you will call when your children are born." I turned my nose up at such a statement knowing I had plenty of those people at home. By the end of the summer, I was proved wrong. The staff this summer were such blessings. With eight weeks together, there isn't room to dilly-dawdle with friendships. You either jump in and swim or you just sit there. Vulnerability cannot be avoided. The staff is your local Body for the summer and if you don't rely on them, struggles, trials and triumphs are going to be miserable. <br /><br />Coming home was extremely difficult. I cried all day Saturday as I got on the plane, landed in Phoenix, waited for the next plane, got on my Albuquerque flight and arrived home. I was a fountain that day. I think that Saturday finally allowed me time to process the summer. Not only was I leaving my Worldview family but I was expressing my overflowing emotional tank for every week of camp that I went through: the joys and sorrows at that point were extremely real and could not be held back any longer. <br /><br />I learned so many things this summer. A couple things that really stuck with me without my having to look over my journal entries from the summer are dying to self and the Body of Christ. Being on staff with Worldview is a dying to self all the time. While I was with my students during the week my time was not my own. From 1:30 pm on Sunday to 3:30 pm on Friday, I was at camp. I was my students'. I belonged to them. By His grace, I was continually engaging them, asking them questions, finding out what they are passionate about. I was not allowed to talk of myself. There is a paragraph in our Staff Playbook that talks about dying to self. It says, "When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works or itch for commendations, when you can truly love to be unknown, that is dying to self." The paragraph talks of many more ways in which dying to self is exemplified but this was the most applicable and memorable point for my summer. I love talking about myself and this summer did not allow for such things to be present. It was so good. It was difficult and frustrating and awkward at times but the call and reward of dying to self, seeing Him glorified, was so much greater than seeing myself glorified at the end of the week. If I gave my students me, they would come home with worthless knowledge and insight. If I gave my students Christ working through me, they would have nothing more priceless. <br /><br />The second thing that God was so good to reveal to me this summer was concerning the Body of Christ. Oftentimes at home, I feel part of a Body but a small part of me wants more. I never was able to pinpoint why I was discontent in that and why "more" was always on my mind. I spent this summer with 20 or so brothers and sisters in Christ. As I said previously, vulnerability came quickly and the Lord bonded us together in unity in ways that are not normal. It was obviously His doing and not ours. By the end of the summer, one of the staff guys, in answer to a question related to a recent move by his family, said, "I've learned home is where your family is." I never felt displaced this summer with all our travelling and being in and out of dorms and hotels. I never wished that we would just settle down somewhere. I was content in our transient lifestyle. I find my contentment rooted in the fact that my home this summer was where my family was and I was always with my WVA family and thus I was always home. <br /><br />This summer included conversations about suffering and comfort, about glory, about love and joy. I loved breaking down Scripture and getting to the root of those simple words. This is where true fellowship lies. As I returned home, my heart broke for I had to leave people that I experienced more love for in a short amount of time than anyone else prior. I longed to be where they were. I longed to serve alongside them again. Knowing there most likely will never be a time that we will all be back together again on this earth, I long for heaven when we can rejoice at His great work for the rest of eternity.<br /><br />I remember sitting in a magnolia tree in Georgia with Lizzie and MK our last week of camp after Monday night staff prayer meeting. We were talking about the guy staff and how parting ways that coming Saturday wouldn't change our relationships with our sisters but the relationships that we developed with our brothers at camp would not be maintained in quite the same way as they were all summer. Marriage and the desire for such things was mentioned. I realized, because of the fellowship experienced with my sisters and brothers this summer, that my desire to be married was much less at that moment. How to explain? I realized that our emotional desire for marriage is fueled out of a longing to be in an intimate relationship with another person. God has been so good to give us the institution of marriage to answer our desire to be in intimate relationships (which I would argue is God-given to begin with but that's a different path). I had always wondered how if I long for marriage in such ways now, how I would not desire such things in heaven. I knew that I wouldn't because discontentment is not something we will be struggling with but how that worked, I could not comprehend. This summer gave me a small peek into the glorious fellowship that we shall experience after this life. I did not desire marriage this summer because intimacy was existent with my brothers and sisters; it was not present in a physical sense but in an emotional sense, it was very present. Marriage, in a way, if a shadow of the intimacy that we should experience with Christ and all believers once in heaven. After that conversation, I found myself longing for heaven more than marriage because in heaven, we are able to have perfect relationships with our sisters and brothers in Christ and with Christ, Glory Himself. <br /><br />From all of these previous paragraphs concerning the staff this summer, my point is this: there is more to the Body of Christ than that which I had experienced before camp on this earth. I did not know that I could have such deep love for my brothers and sisters and yet this summer gave me a glimpse of that and a hope of that as I return to a new church body here at home. I was so excited to be at church on Sunday, more excited than I ever have been to go to be with the Body. <br /><br />I feel like I did a poor job explaining my thoughts and feelings toward this summer but as I continue to process and work things out in my head maybe I can make more sense of such things in words. <br /><br />P.S. Concerning my post on the book I was reading by Francine Rivers and the main characters' headstrong ways: I have since gotten much farther in said book and have found that the main character does not know how to love her enemies. She stands for her own will and desire continually and encourages rebellion within her children. Yes there is a balance, but the main character in said book is a very poor example of such things.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-84000896962227702812010-05-29T23:00:00.002-06:002010-05-29T23:02:19.367-06:00Worldview.I leave tomorrow for Worldview. Tomorrow at 9:30 am. Crazy. Time has flown by.<br /><br />I will try to update while I'm on the road but no promises. If I don't get update, I'll see you in a couple months with lots of pictures and stories of God's great goodness from this summer.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-65206812261041322172010-05-27T22:56:00.002-06:002010-05-27T23:06:38.831-06:00Grievous ChangesOff to have some time with the Lord. <br /><br />Crazy changes in life constitute my need for extended time spent in prayer and His Word. I've experienced some grievous changes in life and now any change is approached with a little anxiety. Daddy dying, moving to New Mexico, and Mom remarrying were all event initially caked in grief and pain. Since then, changes have all been really hard. Each year, coming back from Ecuador was extremely difficult. Leaving SMR last summer was extremely rough; I was upset for the entirety of the last two weeks we were there. Em and Kate graduated this evening and I feel like life is a little unstable even though it's just as stable as before we walked into Calvary Chapel to celebrate their graduation. A time of a lack of stability causes me to run to my Lord. Oh, how joyous it is that the Lord has enabled me to seek Him instead of this world when I feel like things are crashing down. He is so good to grow us. Anyway, my world is stable no matter what joyous or grievous changes I endure because He is in charge. My God is bigger than anything I can think up or imagine. Good thing because my brain is small. Good night. <br /><br />P.S. Go seek our God; He is waiting to meet with you if you are His child. ChLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-1570565278104860422010-05-25T23:26:00.003-06:002010-05-26T00:05:13.664-06:00Birthday CommentaryOh it has been so very long. <br /><br />I'm going to try to make this quick; although, quick doesn't have the same definition for me as it does for most everyone else. <br /><br />Today was my birthday. It was a wonderful day. One of my favorite birthdays I must say. I thought this birthday would come and go and not really be paid attention to as we are working on two graduation parties, finishing two scrapbooks, celebrating Sarah's birthday and scouring the house in preparation for the entourage of 75 people who are coming over on Friday. <br /><br />I spent the night at Mom and Dad's last night. I woke up earlier than I had expected due to my stuffy nose as a result of the fearsome scrapbooking cold but this was good. Mom made Grace, Sarah and me pancakes for breakfast. She also had me order a pink Benchmade pocket knife for my Daddy birthday gift. :) Then I got to scrapbooking again. I wrote Em's blessing for her book and this concluded my responsibilities for the scrapbook. I couldn't have been more pleased with how it turned out and that I am DONE with it! I then made Dutch almond bars and shortbread for the party on Friday. I still need to make cheesecake, salsa, guacomole, rye bread, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and maybe the list goes on, maybe it doesn't. After that, Em and I went out to Flying Star for a birthday/good bye celebration with all my friends. It was good to see everyone. It's hard to mesh friend groups though. Attempting to do such things always makes me feel insufficient because I can't give every group my attention even though I invited them all. Em and I went shopping for shorts for this summer. Now, I'm blogging. <br /><br />A few points of interest:<br /><br />I was able to serve on my birthday. In previous years, I have always insisted that I do exactly what <em>I</em> want to do on <em>my</em> birthday. Mom often neglects to ask me to do things in such circumstances because often my willingness is very much impaired and the answer is a solid no. First off, the Lord has grown me in this last year so that my desire is to serve but also He has made me more willing to consider and submit to other's desires and needs. Oh how obvious growth in my life is such an encouragement. God is so good.<br /><br />Also, when I don't expect gifts they are that much more special. AlMom surprised me by telling me to order my knife this morning. I had no idea that I would get a Daddy gift this year (Daddy gift: A second gift from my parents because the 3 stepsisters get gifts from their mother and we get the "daddy gift" because Dad died, kind of in honor of him, also our parents way of making things more fair). Hannah also got me a gift and that was SO EXCITING. I always feel bad when people get me gifts (I have a hard time allowing others to serve me) but what a joy it is to recieve when it is unexpected. <br /><br />Also aside from my birthday commentary, I am praying for compassion in my attitude and in my life. Oftentimes, I can be bold and carry truth but it isn't laced with compassion. My sister is a wonderful example of lacing boldness and truth with compassion. I am a poor example. Lord, grow me so that I may exhibit compassion toward my fellow brother and sister knowing that I am a sinner just as they are. Oh how it goes back to pride--that pride. The Lord is working on it again with me.<br /><br />I leave in 5 days for Worldview Academy. I am getting more and more excited. Nervousness is still present but my realizing that that nervousness is rooted in sin is causing me to submit it to the Lord and trust Him. I'm nervous because I am worried about what my teammates will think of me: fear of man. As long as I am seeking to live a holy life before my King, what does it matter what others think (this is not an excuse to not heed rebuke, correction, instruction, etc). Also I realized I am nervous because I really am just as new as my campers. I don't know (at this point--thank you Lord for staff training and the bit of preparation it will bring) any more than they do. This puts me in a place of asking A LOT of questions. Oh, what a strike to my pride. So, nervousness is rooted in ugly sin and thus is purposeless. Lord thank you for causing me to realize my sin and shortcomings. May I trust You with how I will be stretched and grown this summer. You are always good--through every trial and tribulation, through every period of rejoicing and good day that I experience--You are always good.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-8364096792411267362010-05-12T20:52:00.004-06:002010-05-12T23:11:23.051-06:00Oh, BalanceOh how thoughts are whirling inside my head as I sit at this beveled-edged table in the cafe at Borders. I am supposed to be studying for psychology but I am simply pooped and thus have not started. The time is winding down and I'll start soon enough.<br /><br />I began reading <span style="font-style:italic;">Her Mother's Hope</span> by Francine Rivers. She is one of my favorite writers. She has a way of weaving words together to make a perfect picture in my mind, causing me to feel every emotion in the scene. Oh, how I enjoy reading. I picked up this book at one of the most inopportune times--right before finals. Oops.<br /><br />The main character in the book is an extremely headstrong girl who will not simply settle for what her father has for her. She has ambitions and goals. She has a will and will demand that for which she has worked. I love her. <br /><br />This book resonates more with me even in the first 100 pages I have read more than other Francine Rivers' books (this is probably an unfair proposition as I have not read another Rivers' book in a couple months and am in the middle of this one but nonetheless I digress). The character speaks to me and who I used to be. <br /><br />It leaves me questioning if I've truly changed from the person I used to be or just suppressed (oh, how psychology is influencing me; Lord, guard my heart against this world) who I was as I grew up. A few years ago, as I became involved in reformed theology and delved deeper into Scripture, I very quickly developed my opinions concerning women, their leadership roles and purposes and what demeanor they should carry. I learned from I Peter that I am to carry a gentle and quiet spirit. I learned from Proverbs that I am to be clothed in strength and honor. I learned that I am to love and respect my husband all the days of my life; this includes the time before I meet him. I learned that I am to be a servant. I learned that I was made from man and for man as his helpmeet. I learned that purity is not something to be forsaken once I am married. I learned that I am called and commanded to submit to my husband just as the church is commanded to submit to Christ. I learned that a virtuous wife works hard, is generous and speaks with grace, humility and wisdom. I learned that beauty is God-given but is passing and thus the inward character is of much more value. Looking at all of these things, I realized two things as a junior in high school. First, I realized that these things are far from what the world preaches for women of today. What a surprise! (That was sarcasm) Second, I realized, as a woman seeking to please my God and to be readied as a virtuous wife, that I failed in so many areas I couldn't count them all on all of my fingers and toes. <br /><br />After realizing all of these things, I set to work at <span style="font-weight:bold;">making myself</span> into the woman that Scripture describes. I failed often, obviously. The Lord must remind very very often that my sanctification isn't a result of anything that I do and is only of Him. Anyway, He reminded me and I would pray that He would grow me into a virtuous wife displaying the qualities that His Word describes. He did grow me. Then I would go back to <span style="font-style:italic;">growing</span> myself. In the midst of this, I saw many of my actions as sinful and not glorifying to my Savior and tried to eradicate myself of them as quickly as possible.<br /><br />I saw my leadership-oriented personality and tried to get rid of it because I was made for man; <span style="font-style:italic;">he</span> is to be the leader. I saw my loud enthusiasm and excitement and rid myself of it because I was supposed to have a gentle and <span style="font-style:italic;">quiet</span> spirit. I saw my ever-moving tongue and tried, and failed greatly, to be wise with my mouth as Proverbs calls a virtuous wife to do. I saw my ambitions, dreams and goals and decided to set them aside so that I could get married as soon as possible. Some of these qualities that I saw in myself were sin and I should commit them to prayer, in repentance and trust in my God that He will grow me out of them. <br /><br />Concerning the others, I think I had this picture of the perfect wife. She was meek, always quiet, always following without question, really didn't have much of a mind, didn't have any interests outside of that of the care of the home and children. She definitely didn't laugh as loud as I do or at as many things as I find humor in. She definitely didn't exhibit a thought process or even a college degree. She definitely didn't talk all that much except to say encouraging words to the woman beside her in the pew. She definitely didn't struggle with sin in the least because she was perfect. She didn't have desires outside of the home or her husband. She agreed with <span style="font-style:italic;">everything</span> her husband said and did.<br /><br />Well, we all know if that was the picture of a Biblical wife, I would and have failed miserably already. I laugh too much, am too expressive, have spent too much time developing interests in things other than cooking and laundry, am way too argumentative, talk way too much (I do pray the Lord grows me in this; it allows me to be extra-narcissistic), struggle with sin A LOT, and have too many desires to finish school and achieve my Master's degree. Well. Thank you Lord that you have not limited the Biblical wife to those qualities. <br /><br />He has made us with personalities and interests so that we can truly make up a Body. The fact that He has given me a leadership-oriented mindset isn't wrong. It must be balanced with submission to Him and my father and when the time comes, my husband. The fact that He has given me a heart that is easily joy-filled is a beautiful thing and as long as I express this under right circumstances, it is good. It's ok to have interests outside the home because it opens up teaching opportunities for my kids and evangelism opportunities as an insider. The Lord has given me a brain so that I can use it. It is not to be stored on a dusty shelf in my closet. It is to be used to bring glory to Him. And being a wife is not the only thing I have to prepare for in life. I should use this time to learn and grow and gain knowledge. Who knows how long it will be before God brings my husband and I together! It could be forty years. Maybe my good and sovereign Lord has other plans. <br /><br />The key in all of this is balance. I am going to study what a gentle and quiet spirit truly means. This post is not to explain that I do not need any growth; oh so far from such things. I need growth more than ever in my life as the Lord is good to reveal sin after sin. It is simply a recognition of a lack of cookie-cutter wife in the Bible. It is an acknowledgement that He has made me with a personality. I'll be stronger in some areas than others. This is something to cherish, be thankful for and utilize for His glory. Where I lack is to be for prayer and growth and see the Lord working in my life. Weakness is good to humble me too. Sometimes I think I'm super woman. I really am not. Just think it. <br /><br />Some things that people tease me about that I don't want to change are as follows:<br /><br />1. My lack of sass: Sometimes I'm really sassy. It doesn't bring me joy to be sassy to my sisters and brothers. I feel like there is an acceptable amount of sass. It's a hard balance to hold but some people I know do it well. Cameron is one of these. He is sassy to me but he is also caring and respectful. I know he loves me as a sister. When I am sassy, oh my, I can be mean. I do not bring glory to my Lord. I'm just mean without knowing it and then have to apologize later. Several people have encouraged me to cultivate sass so that I can sass back to those that sass at me. I do desire that this doesn't happen. I don't balance things all that well and this one thing that I would balance very poorly. I don't want to be sassy.<br /><br />2.I think the best of people most of the time until they have offended me or have proved me wrong (I do pray that this is something the Lord grows me in). Some people think it is wrong of me to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe so; it has caused me to end up in some precarious situations. I don't know. There's a balance in this too. Where it is? I do not know.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Balance</span>.<br /><br />Balance. So much of the Christian life depends on. It is easy to swing one way or the other but to have balance is something I struggle with so much. This year the Lord has been teaching me so much about balance. I feel like it is my theme right now. Unfortunately, I try to achieve balance on my own too much. It can only be done in the Lord. May I relinquish and He control. <br /><br />This was supposed to much more organized than it was. Oops.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4824981834759543379.post-26721737869039425512010-05-04T13:06:00.002-06:002010-05-04T13:13:06.101-06:00Losing a FriendI sent a letter to a friend saying we needed to change how we interacted. <br /><br />I explained my reasoning. The Lord has called me to such things no doubt. <br /><br />I said that a relationship could still be maintained just with boundaries as all friendships should have. <br /><br />This person disagreed. This person said that either it has to be the "normal" way we interact or no friendship at all. <br /><br />Well, so, relationship went bye-bye. <br /><br />It's hard. I appreciated this person as a friend. <br /><br />The Lord is working and in Him, I will find comfort. This lack of friendship will be good. Growth. Reliance on my Lord. Going to my Lord before any one else. May it be so. May this be a time of growth and not regression.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06261164222025988711noreply@blogger.com0