Fruit

Sometimes, I feel this overwhelming need to write. Sometimes, I listen to it. Sometimes, I don't. Last night, I wanted to write but my bed was calling my name and because we are on spring break, I went to bed. Ah, sleeping felt so good but as a new day has begun and is very much in full swing, I wish that I had written down everything I was feeling last night.

I have been Daniel fasting since March 7. I want to be careful whom I tell for I am not doing this for the appeasement or attention of man but to seek my God on behalf of this nation. I don't think a whole lot of people read my blog, if any, so I feel safe sharing such information here. 40 Days for Life is fasting as well as many people across this nation who are fasting for the purpose of the universities and colleges. I started a week late but also didn't hear about these things until March 4. I prayed about it for three days finally deciding to begin it all on Sunday, March 7. This has been a huge time of growth for me personally. I'll make a list of the things the Lord is teaching me.

• I was skeptical of Daniel fasting to begin with. I have been taught that during Biblical times, it took hours to prepare a meal. The purpose of fasting then was to set aside that time and use it solely for prayer. With Daniel fasting, I didn't feel like the purpose was the same. I was still cooking. It has been good though. My God is drawing me nearer unto Himself as well as building the fire within me.
• This has been a huge time of growth in prayer. The Lord is teaching me faith for the big things. This past summer, they had suggested making a "impossible list" of things that you really needed and faithfully praying for them. I looked back a couple nights ago at my impossible list from over the summer. Almost everything had been answered. My God is so good. He is teaching me that if I am praying for my campus, He will work (This is not to underestimate His will and sovereignty); I just might see it. My faithfulness to prayer shouldn't be based on if I can see the results or not. I think that has held me back from praying for the nations or for my campus for so long. No longer. The Lord has grown my faith in Him.
• My time in the Word has been so productive. Oh my! Romans is teaching me so many things. I love it. I love getting up every morning and spending the first hour of my day with the One who loves me the most. Oh what a delight, that He would desire to meet with me!
• He has also taught me that while I'm single and when I'm married, my God will be more faithful than any man ever will. My husband will be human and will make mistakes but my God is my God and He is always faithful. I have always known this in my head but it never pricked my heart. It has now.
• Sprouting from that last lesson, God is teaching me the true meaning of the quote, "A woman should be so close to God that a man has to seek Him to find her." Why would I want it any other way? The Lord has loved since before time existed and yet I tend to spend more time thinking about a guy than I do my first Husband. This humbles me. At Ryan's (female team leader from this past summer) leading, I have begun praying this quote for myself. I find my perspective changed. My contentment is much more real. My joy in my God is much more real. My relationship with the One who gave His all to have me is much more real. If that guy that seems so great right now leaves and marries someone else, I will not be shaken because that must not have been the one that God desired for me to be with in the beginning. God will put me with someone who is seeking Him at the same pace that I am seeking Him. At the rate I was going, woo-wee! I want someone who is sprinting after our God. That takes me sprinting after my God. It also doesn't happen because I am "seeking" my God because I want a husband. Priorities must be correct.
• Oh and last but not least, the Lord is teaching me to trust Him in a very real way. I will have to explain the rest of this on Saturday for it is linked to something that I am not allowed to share with everyone right now. My God is good to teach and to humble. Right now, He is doing it so gently. Thank you Lord for giving me a receptive heart so that You don't have to bring tragedy so that I might finally understand what You are trying to teach me.