Moses

I feel like I stumble over my words and thoughts so very often. This is so frustrating to me and often I say, "If only I could explain it to you in a math problem, it would make perfect sense!" Unfortunately this world cannot be explained in a math problem. Nor can the Gospel. Or at least understood by others using a math problem. By God's grace, I do indeed feel like my expression of myself using words has improved although I am far from English major status. This "issue" has been made extremely clear to me in the last couple days:

I got my sign test back today. 93.5! Woot-woot! Anyway, our professor had some of the students read their essay questions to explain to the class what she was expected to get full credit. I received full credit on these essays but I was not asked to read. I was amazed by how eloquently written and explanatory their answers were. My answers fit the bill, per say but wow, the other students could write. I was humbled.

Yesterday, I had my Worldview interview. I was so nervous despite my constant praying over the last week that my words simply be His words. He will open doors He wants opened. Anyway, I felt like I stumbled over every answer I gave. I didn't express myself well. All the things that she had asked made/make complete sense in my head but when I try to explain them to someone, especially someone who is interviewing/testing/critiquing me, they do not come out clearly. I was humbled and frustrated.

Also, I just wrote an email to someone at the Ronald McDonald House to set up a time to lead a group to cook dinner for their residents in April. After writing and rereading my email, I was struck by the fact that it was very scatter-brained and was not written well. After reading it again, I couldn't find another way to rephrase it. I left it as is because my point was made clear although it was not expressed well or in beautiful wording.

I think the Lord is using all of this to humble me and teach me to again rely on Him alone. Last week, I was wading through some pride which has been a lot more rare since last summer. The Lord has truly given me an understanding of my sin and is good to remind me of it often. This is for my benefit and this is to cause me to rely on Him more and more. Last week was a different story though. I was definitely prideful and was having a hard time remembering and truly allowing the gospel to pierce my heart as it does daily.

I am reminded of Moses. Moses complained that the Lord was sending him because he had a speech impediment. I am complaining but the Lord has called me not to complain. Instead, I will be humbled by the fact that I cannot word things properly in and of myself. I will be thankful for the Lord deciding to teach me in this way and not another. He could have chosen to smash this uprising of pride from last week in a much more painful way. I will also be thankful that He has caused my heart to be sensitive to His teaching that I might learn quickly to return to Him. Rely on Him. Trust in Him as my source alone. My God is great and greatly to be praised.

Lord send me. I trust in You. Work through me that Your love would be evident in me. When people see me, may they see You alone. Cause me to decrease and you to increase.