I don't know what to right...hmmm...God's working...I just don't know how right now.... Actually, He's convicting me in some harder areas of my life...That I suppose I'm not ready to give over right now... I just won't trust Him but I want to but I don't feel I can...I dont' know why I have that problem....He's the almighty God that knows everything and knows what is so good for me.... Another thing to work on.... So I think I like writing poems a lot.... Its a lot easier when you cheat and use the rhyming web site... Oh yeah, we're making Christmas candies this year.... Chocolate, caramel, marshmallows, coconut... YUM!....You wonder why America is so fat, because the holidays cause so much food to be consumed.... I don't like it but I love Christmas....Love it.... School tomorrow.....Uggghhhh!......I better get to bed....I am GOING to get up and do devotions in the morning....Haven't done them forever... And chapel is tomorrow.....YAAAA! WOO-HOO! Bye.
Jesus...You are amazing, awesome, all-powerful, omnipotent. Thank you for being there always even when I can be so so so stupid. Thank you for just allowing me to live before You, bringing You glory even though I mess up so much. You died for me. How? And Why? I don't understand at all. You died for me. Thank you for Your undying love for me. You amaze me. Thank you for humbling my teeny stupid heart. Thank you for bringing me before Your throne of grace truly broken, truly ready to be healed, truly ready for You. Jesus, You are my all in all and pray that that would continue to grow and that I would be able to say that statement in complete truth someday. Jesus, thank you for Your miraculous works always. Always, forming my heart for Your work. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I know, I know, I'm getting carried away. Well, I received an email from Biola advertising their new student blogs which are super duper neato (all you potential Biola-goers check them out) but anyway each of them had a section about themselves. I have officially decided I really haven't introduced myself fully. My section under "About Me" does not do any justice so here it goes.
My Favorite Things Christmas...thinking about my husband...writing to my husband...worshipping in my car all alone...praying with others...dancing all alone on wood floors...dancing in the rain when you're so soaked you don't care anymore...cookies...ice cream...laughing so hard my tummy hurts...remembering my daddy...talking in the bathroom at school during yearbook with a certain girlfriend...driving and singing love songs...cooking at Ronald McDonald...watching the snow...playing in the snow...being in the south...the southern homes...the old architecture in the northeast...drinking hot chocolate outside when its really cold...swinging on swings in the park...swinging on a porch swing wrapped in a blanket...watching the stars...doing cartwheels...being held...singing as loud as I want and no one tells me how bad I sing...Christmas lights...the book of Genesis...the book of Hosea...burrowing into my covers at night...when you can see your breath because it is so cold...when you can draw on the car windows...frozen blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries...singing Christmas songs in October because you are just so happy...white Christmases...the joy of Christmas morning...the joy that comes when your around the person/people you love...the feel of the chill in the air during the winter...fall... winter...children...tin lunch boxes...ice cream truck
My Favorite Sounds Christmas music...my sister singing...swing dancing music playing faintly...my husband singing in my ear...Grace's laugh...rain on a tin roof...splash of pool water...the cut of ice skates against ice...things sizzling on the stove...many people praying at once...the entire church worshipping together...children playing and laughing
My Favorite Movies Beauty and the Beast...Cinderella...The Notebook...Pride and Prejudice...The Lakehouse...Take the Lead...Save the Last Dance...Aristocats
My Favorite 'Feels' (you know what I mean) Getting a really good, comforting hug by someone who you really love and who you know really loves you...being held by my daddy...being held by my Father God...warm sheets from the dryer on a cold winter night...cool, clean sheets on a hot summer night...big hugs by little hands...people playing with my hair...soft hands...worn jeans...pajamas...the blanket wrapped around you during Christmastime...the grass beneath your feet during the summer...the sun against my skin in the cold days of winter...someone putting their hands over my eyes not too tight and not releasing too soon
So...long day...no one called....everyone enjoying their families....here I am cutting hundreds of squares for a quilt...my hands hurt...and my heart hurts....I wish my daddy were here....here next to me...I wish my tears were gone and that he was wearing his clothes instead of them sitting in the dining room on a chair in squares...I wish my daddy was here to call me his princess, his girl, his daughter...to hold me in his arms...to talk to me about how stupid guys can be...to protect me and guide me....to talk of me at his job like I was the most precious thing in the world to him...to teach me my chemistry and my math....to teach me what to look for in a husband...I wish he were here with me....to teach me what exactly a Christian man looks like... oh, God why is he gone?...Why did You take him from me?....Why do I have to sit here thinking about this?...Why?....God, I know why...because I had to come to know You...but was that Your only way...Why did it have to happen this way? I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. It hurts too much.
Thanksgiving time....ahhhh....rest....food.....fun....family.....except everyone's gone right now. We celebrated Thanksgiving on Sunday so I just get to hang out at home now. But I can still dream and think about mine and Anie's Bible study, and what to cook at Ronald McDonald and be in the Word which hasn't happened for awhile. It'll be good and I can SLEEP. Oh my, I haven't had sleep like last night for like two weeks. I've been going going and more going. It finally all caught up with me. Thankfully I'm just really tired and I'm not sick or anything. And tomorrow legally starts the Christmas season. YAAAA! I'm so excited. I've gotta start prayin' for a white Christmas and that Chinababy comes soon. Ahhhh, Chinababy....I want her now....I want to be able to take pictures of her....and hold her...and watch Grace play with her. I can't wait. All in God's timing.
Yaaaaa! It worked. I know my username this time and have already been able to log back in. It only took three times to figure it out. Anyway.... Bob's gone til Saturday and my mom, Emily, Grace, and I are having a girl's weekend, actually we're more remembering my dad's death. We're gonna pull out his old clothes, cut squares from them, pick out pictures and put them all into a quilt. I'm pretty excited but it'll be busy and will take quite a bit of remembering and crying and opening old wounds. It'll be so good, though. Oh yeah, I watched the Lake House tonight. Its good overall but it goes really slow, but I love it that he waited. He waited to be with her even though he wanted it then. Ahhhh, so cute. Well I better go but I'm going to close with this. Its a letter to my husband.
Have you ever loved me? Tell me it is so. Will you ever love me? Tell me that's not a no.
Have you dreamed about me? Perfect dreams like mine. Will you dream about me? Our future to bind.
Have you ever hoped for me? Our life together. Will you ever hope for me? Our hope to weather.
Have you thought of holding me? In my covers at night. Will you ever hold me? Those arms so tight.
Have you imagined our day? When I come in pure white. Will you imagine our day? Waiting for it all night.
I'm a girl who specializes in awkward conversations and falling no matter the circumstance. I am a student, a scrapbooker, a rookie photographer, an optimist, a dreamer, a worrier. I hope to own a pair of overalls someday, be married, have children, grow a garden and learn to let things go. I love the Lord and my church family and may His glory be my utmost priority in everything. I am able to love because He first loved me. May that be obvious to this world as I preach His Name.